Christmas and Change

From December...




I ran into a coworker yesterday and when I asked him how Christmas was he went on this tirade about rushing around, commericalism, blah, blah. It was a worn out story he told. One I wasn't interested in hearing. I wish I'd said to him, "why not do something different and change it?" Christmas felt like that for me for many years. Rush to the mall, buy this stuff, and then do a marathon of visits over twenty four hours. It was because of the choices I made that Christmas felt commercialized and miserable. When I did it differently, Christmas took on a whole new meaning.

Part of the problem back then were the expectations I had and those that I thought were placed upon me. I was married to a different guy and we never took the opportunity to really do what we wanted to do. Each holiday (and birthday) we had to spend time with family. That in itself wasn't bad but it created lots of restrictions. We lived in a shoebox and could never have people over. His sister's children were young then, so meals and whatnot revolved around their schedule. And there was always this unwritten understanding that things went like this because if we did it any differently the whole house of cards would come crashing down. There was always some underlying tension that I never learned the source of. It made for strange days.

The house of cards that eventually fell was ours and the marriage ended. It was that last Christmas we spent together that we finally did something we wanted. Well, it was what he wanted-he slept all morning, then we went to his parents' and only upon returning home later that evening did we "celebrate." We opened gifts in silence and I went to bed. Lights out.

Never again, I knew. I took the lead from my sister whose husband had died unexpectedly several years before. She turned Christmas on its head and began to travel each year. The first few difficult years she visited her college roommate. They explored several national parks out west-New Mexico, Utah, and Washington. Then our niece went to Hawaii for six months. A perfect opportunity for both of us.

We all know what traveling can do for you. Yes, there's anxiety and stress. But once you've got your toes in the sand it's magnificent. On Christmas morning that year we exchanged silly gifts, took funny pictures of ourselves and had a great breakfast. We walked to the beach. We took a hike.  And then our niece made dinner for us and all the other interns who worked with her that winter. It was balmy. It was fun.

I spent Christmas at the same sister's house the next year. Not as remote as Hawaii, but a change anyway. That was what mattered, doing something different. We had Christmas Eve dinner with her boyfriend and played board games. That night we stayed up late finishing a ridiculous Red Sox scrapbook she'd started for him. We were in over our heads but who hasn't spent at least one Christmas Eve staying up late putting together some gift for your kid or boyfriend? Wine and laughter got us to the end.

If I couldn't go some place out of the ordinary, then, I decided, I found gifts that were different. I'm a teacher. And a single teacher doesn't have much of a budget during the holiday season.  I started taking the time to find gifts that would stand out. That meant I had to shop some place other than the mall. Instead of doing the sullen shuffle from Best Buy to Macy's and back, I realized I could support my local community while buying gifts for the people who meant something to me. Gold star for me!

Books are my default gift and the locally owned bookstore is the place I always begin my shopping. It is my firm belief that you can never have too many books. Buying books is such a personal endeavor. But what a challenge to buy something just right for a person. I took that same attitude toward other gifts. Shopping for others became fun. I bought based on what I understand of the person, not what they should have or specifically asked for.

On that excursion I took the time to walk from shop to shop. Instead of sitting in traffic trying to get off the highway or rushing to buy the last and latest widget, I found a few small things that I thought people would appreciate. Walking down Main Street with packages nestled within bags was enjoyable. Yes, it was a cold and damp day, but what a better choice it was than doing something because I felt I had to or because it was expected of me.

As dorky as all this sounds, this change in attitude has made the holdidays more fun. There's a real reason we have time off, celebrating the season, celebrating each other, giving.

Reading Rut

I need some help. I'm in a reading rut. Got any good books you can recommend? I hate when this happens. Like most readers, I've got a pile of books by my bed. There's a pile next to my desk at home and even a few on my desk at work, but I can't find anything stimulating or engrossing to read. I've wandered the aisles at my local bookstore and come up empty handed. Help!

2010 was not a great reading year for me. The first half of the year I returned to work and had all I could do to survive each day. Managing baby, job and life left me clueless about new books. I did finish
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy. What characters! I could excuse the ridiculous details because Lisbeth and Mikael were fascinating. My curiosity about what they were doing and why kept me reading at a good clip.

What I did for summer reading, I haven't a clue!  I know that in the fall I read Better, by Atul Gawande and also read Mister. Pip. I wanted Mister Pip to be better than it was. The setting was luscious, but I kept waiting for more to happen. It did, however, send me back to Great Expectations, a little bit.  I couldn't commit to wading into it deeply. I let being back to work suck the energy out of me.

By the end of the year I'd started Freedom. Sucker that I am, I bought it in hard cover. I could have picked up two other books for the price of that tome. I'm halfway through and  may just have to go back it; I'm so desperate for something to read. But part of me feels duped. The reviewer in the Atlantic wasn't a fan of the book either. He commented that for every contemporary book we choose to read, that's one classic we're not reading. Time to revisit the Bennetts or return to Pip? These long winter nights are perfect for long novels.

It's been awhile since I've reread anything. Perhaps that is the route I need to take.

I need a book with a strong voice, something that grabs me on the first page. Patti Smith did it; I finished Just Kids last night. Those of you who can remember feeling that you just may be able to take on the world with your art or your talent will recognize her voice. And those of you whoever doubted that you were making the right choices with your life will recognize her as well. To think the mother of punk rock once felt insecure... Her relationship with Mapplethorpe was beautiful. How lucky for her to have had him as a friend.

Never Let Me Go was excellent. I read that before the holidays. What I enjoyed about it was the premise, the idea that was always present in the story but Ishiguro artfully avoids mentioning. It did haunt me. I'd read it before falling asleep, then dream about walking down windswept rainy streets with the characters. It took some time to read because it affected me so. Ishiguro's writing is so filled with melancholy. He renders a truth that is painful to stay with for long periods of time but hard to leave. Does that make sense?

I also need a character, or two. A colleague lent me Dennis Lehane's first novel with Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro, A Drink Before the War. Patrick and Angie are the detectives Ben Afleck made famous in "Gone, Baby Gone." That is actually the fourth or fifth book in the series. They are characters, all right, but the frankness of their reality is a little too much. Part of the problem may have been that I was reading the book around the time that I watched "The Town." Maybe I'm just a wimp.

Here's what I'm looking for: a story with characters who have strong voices. A story that sticks with me but doesn't haunt me. A great story with a surprise, or two, that makes me think for a bit. Got something to fit the bill?