Christmas and Change

From December...




I ran into a coworker yesterday and when I asked him how Christmas was he went on this tirade about rushing around, commericalism, blah, blah. It was a worn out story he told. One I wasn't interested in hearing. I wish I'd said to him, "why not do something different and change it?" Christmas felt like that for me for many years. Rush to the mall, buy this stuff, and then do a marathon of visits over twenty four hours. It was because of the choices I made that Christmas felt commercialized and miserable. When I did it differently, Christmas took on a whole new meaning.

Part of the problem back then were the expectations I had and those that I thought were placed upon me. I was married to a different guy and we never took the opportunity to really do what we wanted to do. Each holiday (and birthday) we had to spend time with family. That in itself wasn't bad but it created lots of restrictions. We lived in a shoebox and could never have people over. His sister's children were young then, so meals and whatnot revolved around their schedule. And there was always this unwritten understanding that things went like this because if we did it any differently the whole house of cards would come crashing down. There was always some underlying tension that I never learned the source of. It made for strange days.

The house of cards that eventually fell was ours and the marriage ended. It was that last Christmas we spent together that we finally did something we wanted. Well, it was what he wanted-he slept all morning, then we went to his parents' and only upon returning home later that evening did we "celebrate." We opened gifts in silence and I went to bed. Lights out.

Never again, I knew. I took the lead from my sister whose husband had died unexpectedly several years before. She turned Christmas on its head and began to travel each year. The first few difficult years she visited her college roommate. They explored several national parks out west-New Mexico, Utah, and Washington. Then our niece went to Hawaii for six months. A perfect opportunity for both of us.

We all know what traveling can do for you. Yes, there's anxiety and stress. But once you've got your toes in the sand it's magnificent. On Christmas morning that year we exchanged silly gifts, took funny pictures of ourselves and had a great breakfast. We walked to the beach. We took a hike.  And then our niece made dinner for us and all the other interns who worked with her that winter. It was balmy. It was fun.

I spent Christmas at the same sister's house the next year. Not as remote as Hawaii, but a change anyway. That was what mattered, doing something different. We had Christmas Eve dinner with her boyfriend and played board games. That night we stayed up late finishing a ridiculous Red Sox scrapbook she'd started for him. We were in over our heads but who hasn't spent at least one Christmas Eve staying up late putting together some gift for your kid or boyfriend? Wine and laughter got us to the end.

If I couldn't go some place out of the ordinary, then, I decided, I found gifts that were different. I'm a teacher. And a single teacher doesn't have much of a budget during the holiday season.  I started taking the time to find gifts that would stand out. That meant I had to shop some place other than the mall. Instead of doing the sullen shuffle from Best Buy to Macy's and back, I realized I could support my local community while buying gifts for the people who meant something to me. Gold star for me!

Books are my default gift and the locally owned bookstore is the place I always begin my shopping. It is my firm belief that you can never have too many books. Buying books is such a personal endeavor. But what a challenge to buy something just right for a person. I took that same attitude toward other gifts. Shopping for others became fun. I bought based on what I understand of the person, not what they should have or specifically asked for.

On that excursion I took the time to walk from shop to shop. Instead of sitting in traffic trying to get off the highway or rushing to buy the last and latest widget, I found a few small things that I thought people would appreciate. Walking down Main Street with packages nestled within bags was enjoyable. Yes, it was a cold and damp day, but what a better choice it was than doing something because I felt I had to or because it was expected of me.

As dorky as all this sounds, this change in attitude has made the holdidays more fun. There's a real reason we have time off, celebrating the season, celebrating each other, giving.